I haven't seen a good movie in so long. Why are there no good movies coming out? By "Good Movie" I don't mean to imply a movie that's a classic, just an hour and a half of something on the big screen which will make me forget that I'm sitting in a cinema.
Mr. Commentbox and I have seen several movies during the last few weeks:
Funny People, over 2 hours long, not funny at all, not dramatic at all, poorly acted, boring.
Couples Retreat, felt like 5 hours long, cliched, predictable, not funny, not romantic, extremely annoying to me because all the women looked like models (and wore bikinis most of the time) while the men were all pudgy and unattractive. Except for the yoga instructor, he was muscular and unattractive.
Mao's Last Dancer, annoying because it is a cliche which is actually based on a true story, so you can't say "It's such a cliche" because it HAPPENED to someone, it really did. It reminded me of those ballet movies I loved in the 80s...was it "White Nights" with Baryshnikov? Or maybe "Turning Point"? In any case, I had to go see this one on my own because Mr. C REFUSED. Mr. C was born in the former USSR, so these sort of cliches really piss him off. Also, I can't really TELL anyone (well, except for you) that I hated the film because everyone I know read the book and ADORED it, and then watched the film and thought it was so good that it actually made them cry.
So then we tried some arthouse pics. Oh my god "Seraphine" was another 2 1/2 hours of torture. I liked the premise - cleaning lady thinks God wants her to paint, and she does, and she's an artistic genius, plus - based on a true story. But it was very very slow, and very very deeeep and meeeaaaningful which soon became booooring and made me repeat over and over and over in my head "OK, we get it, she's an artist, everything is very beautiful, now can we PLEASE move on with the STORY?" But there was one thing I liked about it, Barry Otto was sitting two rows in front of us. He's lovely. Sigh.
"Moon" was all right, I suppose. The acting was superb, and it's been a while since I've seen a classic science fiction film like that. But it left me unsatisfied. We saw this one with Master Commentbox, and he really summed it up by saying "It didn't have enough themes." I don't understand why, if a fourteen year old kid can notice that, then why didn't the people making the film notice that? It could have been so much more fun if they had bulked up the story with at least one or two different THEMES. Sorry, I'm beginning to scream in my head now, which is a sure sign it's almost my bedtime.
What else have I seen lately? Hmmm.... Oh yes, we saw the new Woody Allen today, I guess I must be trying to block the memory of it. It's called "Whatever Works," and it didn't work AT ALL for me. It's not very interesting to listen to the monologues of an elderly New Yorker who hates life, especially when he speaks directly into the camera as if to DOUBLY remind me that I am indeed sitting in a cinema and will NOT be transported ANYWHERE ELSE during this movie.
Time for another Aussie film I thought to myself, let's try "Blessed" I thought to myself. Mr. C refused to accompany me on the grounds that it looked very dark and depressing and he knew this would make me dark and depressed. So I went by myself, and I have to tell...I actually thought it was a very good film, beautifully scripted and acted, a very powerful premise, an exploration of motherhood. But people....PEOPLE.....it was SO DARK and SO DEPRESSING that it took me days to recover. There is one specific scene which still haunts me late at night, a scene involving small children which no mother should have to watch on screen. Ever.
Oh, hang on....I just remembered a couple of films I sorta liked. "Julie & Julia" was great, and I am the target audience, and Meryl Streep can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned. But, truth be told, it was a tad slow...a tad too long..and it did NOT transport me. Oh, now hang on a minute, just remembered "Inglorious Basterds" which I loved, adored really. HOWEVER, Mr. C hated it, which took away from my own happiness. Mr. C was uncomfortable with the subject matter, and I don't blame him, but I was able to enjoy it for the fabulous imagination and oh-so-clever plotting, and the dialogue to DIE for (literally). It did transport me, from the very first scene which is so powerful you completely forget who you are and what day it is.
So I suppose movies are not really that bad. Would you look at that, I cheered myself up. All righty then.