Today I experienced a particularly cold, hard fact about the getting of wisdom within the screenwriting industry. In my previous literary studies I never, ever received constructive criticism about "primary creative matter". What I mean by this, I think, is that I was always writing essays ABOUT other writers' creative works, using their texts as the starting point for my logically crafted analyses.
I'm sounding strangely formal, I know, I think it's because I'm trying to remain very calm and objective here.
Today I had to defend my own creative "stuff" while sitting across the table from my teacher who clearly didn't think it had much potential. I tell you, dear friends, it reminded me EXACTLY of the time (years ago) when Master CB's kindie teacher told me that she thought he had violent tendencies because he had taken a soccer ball and purposely popped it with a sharp stick and then jumped on it until all the air came out. I tried to explain that he was obsessed with the properties of air, was constantly asking questions about the invisible "thing" that was always around us. As I continued to defend my son ( a gentler boy you'd be hard-pressed to find) it was clear that the teacher thought I was one of those mothers...you know the one...who can't stand to hear the truth about her son and insists he's an angel. I wasn't that sort of mother, I knew I really wasn't, but just the way she looked at me made me doubt myself, and my son, and my success as a parent, and my...well...my entire reason for living.
I now realise how terribly (and wonderfully) sheltered I have been within our wonderful blogging community. Generally, our comments to each other are so powerfully positive, encouraging and inspiring. In the big bad world, however, commentboxes are filled to the brim with misunderstandings, subjective reactions, superficial generalisations...but, most difficult of all, they are not GENTLE. I am used to gentle, I love gentle. I've spent decades of my life teaching my children GENTLE and striving for gentleness in my life. Today I banged my head against a harsh, impenetrable commentbox until a tiny crack was made. Through that crack I managed, with great difficulty, to post a tiny little scrap of paper and it said on it:
"Please be gentle, I'm a learner." I think the commenter may have already logged off, but you never know, do you?