Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Where do I begin?

It's been so long since I posted anything here. How did that happen?

I suppose my daily routine has changed to such an extent that all of my energy has gone into my Film School work. I would love to tell you all that it's been an absolute blast, that I'm writing wonderful plots and scenes and revelling in my new life. Unfortunately, the reality is quite different. Learning the craft of screenwriting is extraordinarily difficult, and while there have been many pleasures and discoveries, there have also been dark moments of despair.

The most wonderful aspect of my new studies is getting to know my fellow writers. They are an interesting bunch, each one unique in his or her own way. It's quite thrilling to read the work of these nine other writers, and to try and understand something of their lives, experiences and motivations. It's true that you cannot ever really hide in your writing, you will always reveal something of yourself, and it is this precious kernel of truth which is what makes both reading and writing so very exciting to me.

Blogging has been my saving grace during the last month, in the sense that my experience of writing and reading in this forum of ours has served as a strong foundation. We (bloggers) take for granted that our only form of communication with each other is through the written word, but it really is a wondrous thing. Perhaps we are too eager to dismiss our writing as a type of indulgent "women's work," when it really is an incredibly powerful force. Not many writers are so lucky as to have such a circle of friends.

Our class of writers has been allocated an Internet "forum" within the Film School website, allowing us to share things with each other. I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that I'm the most frequent contributor. I post my little comments and wait impatiently for responses which seldom come; my fellow writers don't have the same blogging habit as I do. Of course, my fellow writers are also almost all much younger than me; they are busy writing super-cool sci-fi TV episodes or mobster-killer action thrillers. Others try to write about love, bravely attempting sex scenes which make me blush and feel much older than I really am. How did I become so mature and old-fashioned? Well...truth be told I was like this since I was a child...when I was 8 years old and living in Israel I remember going to the tailor to ask her to lengthen my skirt and she laughed and said that I was an old lady in a girl's body.

I have found myself dressing for the young women in my class. What I mean by this is that they notice what I wear and they compliment me, so now I'm conscious of the image I'm projecting. Isn't that funny? They are in their late 20s and wonderfully sweet, such slim figures, such shiny hair and such adorable freshness. A couple of them are newly married and make an effort to ask about my kids. As I talk to them I realise how little they know, how naive they are, and how appropriate that is. I feel my age all of a sudden, and I mean that in a very good way, because I love being 41, and I love having grown-up children and a house of my own. I love that I have lived my life the way I wanted to, with all of the hardships and joys which came my way, and that I no longer look back with any regrets. If this course of study does nothing else, it has at least shown me that.

I'm exhausted, my eyes are closing, it's cold and windy and rainy outside. Time for bed.

I shall leave you with the trailer of the best film I have seen this year (so far). It's a thriller with a LOVE STORY - and ADULT love story which will melt...your...heart.....

Good night dear friends xxxx


Mary said...

It is that confidence in self that I finally gained in my forties - for which I am grateful..

I do admire you so our Eleanor - I suspect I might have thrown in the towel weeks ago if it was me..

and I HAVE to see that film...

Paola said...

You are finally back. Please don't leave us for so long, I love reading your posts.
You write beautifully of all kinds of things and I feel they're all spoken/written with your heart.

Anonymous said...

I am 50, and I wouldn't go back to 25 for anything. I think. Maybe if I could go back to 25 knowing everything I know now . . . Anyway -- it's good to hear from you.

eurolush said...

You're back! So happy to hear what you've been up to over the last few weeks. We all missed you.

Like Mary, I admire you, E. It's hard work, what you're doing.

I'm thinking some of those dark moments of despair might be alleviated a tad with some German chocolate? Maybe?

trash said...

Can't speak for Eleanor Eurolush but I feel sure her dark moments of despair would be alleviated if I were sent some German chocolate.

And the other plus side is posting to the UK means it is less likely to melt on its journey.

Kate said...

I missed you!

I always loved the written word, but I didn't realise how easy I had come to find expressing myself through it until I started a long email conversation with a non-blogger this week. And how normal that sort of thing seems to me - conversations with all my bloggy friends that span days and weeks and cover all sorts of things, from deep spiritual issues to puppies. Most people don't seem to find that in written word, I think they are missing out!

I know why those young women are complimenting your appearance - because your lovely heart and wisdom shine through and make you beautiful no matter what you are wearing. Aaaw, look at me being soppy! But it's true.

RW said...

Happy to see you back.

I am certain you are touching peoples lives in a profound way with your physical presence.

Duyvken said...

Dear Eleanor,
So wonderful to hear from you again. I have been popping in often to this little space hoping for a new tidbit about your day. I have been thinking about your new environment, your new peeps, your new routines and your lovely beach. I have been wondering how Master CB Is doing at his new school, I wonder if Miss CB is heading to the northern hemisphere again soon, etc.
Anyway, great to hear from you!
And thank you for the tip about the film, that looks great!

blackbird said...

Oh, Eleanor!


The Coffee Lady said...

I have nothing to say except that I have missed you, but when you do pop back you really deliver.